![]() He is gonna look so bad without that hair. They sit at the bar and get a beer MAC: Mm-hmm. You know, we just stood there for a long time and didn't say much, you know? And we cried together, and I held him for a while and that was it. MAC: Well, when does he go in for treatment? DENNIS: He didn't say. MAC: Well, so what kind of cancer is it? DENNIS: I don't know, man. Is he gonna lose all of his hair? DENNIS: Yeah. PADDY'S PUB - DAY Dee, Mac and Dennis enter the pub DEE: Yeah, but Charlie's got such great hair. Uh Could I get the, the basketball though? It's just we're supposed to meet, like, a bunch of people and we were supposed to bring that. ![]() Charlie wants to let Dennis out, Dennis stops him DENNIS: Uh. They walk to the door DENNIS: Hey, uh, look, man. I told them I'd just, you know, zip in and zip out. CHARLIE: It's just that Mac and Sweet Dee are down in the car waitin' for me. DENNIS: Well, it's not really a good time. DENNIS: Uh, did you want to talk, like, right now? CHARLIE: Well, you know, I was thinking we could talk right now. All right, so it starts out I'm not feeling good. You know, it feels actually pretty good to get this off my chest, you know? DENNIS: Yeah? CHARLIE: I've been sittin' in here boohooin' a little bit. (hands pamphlets to Dennis) They go over cancer, cancer-related issues. That's why I haven't been down to the bar recently. DENNIS: What? CHARLIE: Yeah, I found out I might have cancer. Yeah, it's I found out I might have cancer, so ooh. DENNIS: What's wrong? You look, uh, hungover or something. They enter the apartment DENNIS: Wow, dude! I thought my place looked like shit. Hey, do you have that basketball? Mac and I were about to go play in the park. CHARLIE: Uh, Uh, yeah, I've been cryin' a little bit. DENNIS: What's up, buddy? Hey, your face looks, uh, like, poofy. CHARLIE'S APARTMENT Dennis knocks on Charlie's door DENNIS: Yo, Charlie! It's Dennis! (Charlie opens the door) Hey. Fans of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia rejoice and welcome the most influential work in the history of the written word (or at least since the script for The Nightman Cometh): The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today.INTRO: 12:40 PM. ![]() In their own inimitable voices, Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Sweet Dee, and Frank weigh in on important topics like Relationships, Financial Success and Career, Fashion and Personal Grooming, Health and Diet, and Survival Skills, providing insane advice, tips, tricks, and recipes (Rum Ham anyone?) as only they can. While The Gang is stunned by the news, and the legally binding, irrevocable contract left on the bar, they are also ready to rise to the task and become millionaires-and of course, help Charlie actually write the book. While his actual ability to read and write remains unclear, Charlie sealed the deal with some off-the-cuff commentary on bird law and the nuances of killing rats (and maybe with the help of some glue fumes in the basement with an unstable editor on a bender). Left alone to close down Paddy's Pub one night, Charlie Kelly inadvertently scored himself, and his friends, the opportunity of a lifetime-a book deal with a real publishing company, real advance money, and a real(ly confused) editor. The Gang may have finally found their golden ticket. “The Gang” from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia attempts their most ill-conceived, get-rich quick scheme yet: publishing a “self-help book” to hilarious, sometimes dangerous, and often revolting, results.
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